Becoming a grandparent is the best thing
that has ever happened to me... Earlier this year, I became a Lolly, LA
LA, grandma; whatever that precious little Bird wants to call me. I call her
Birdie, her real name is Kennah but when she was only a few days old her
parents were afraid to bathe her, so I showed them the art of giving a BIRD
bath! From that point forward, to me she became Birdie. She's almost 11 months
old and the most precious adorable angel on earth.
Birdie (AKA Kennah) with her parents
As you can imagine and I am sure it happens in other families,
when you get one grandchild they seem to somehow multiply. Earlier this year we
found out that Birdie would be getting a little boy cousin to play with. Our family
was so excited about our little Liam who was due to arrive in March of
2016.
Now for those of you who do not know me personally, I want to
share my passion for babies and pregnancy. While I am an entrepreneur and have
enjoyed several careers, my heart and passion belongs in the halls of the labor
and delivery unit. I have been a nurse for nearly 20 years, most of that time
spent helping babies come into the world. It’s a truly rewarding career
and 90% of the time it's the happiest place to be in a hospital. The other 10%
can be tragic and heartbreaking.
I have shared with parents and been blessed to be a part of the
happiest day of their lives and on the other side, I have been there on the
saddest days as well. For almost 20 years, I shared tears of joy and tears of
sorrows with hundreds, if not thousands of new parents. Not every pregnancy
ends with joy and no one is ever supposed to leave the hospital without a baby
in their arms.
In labor and delivery units around the country, an image of a
fallen leaf with a teardrop is posted on the door of the patients who have
suffered a fetal loss. The medical term is fetal demise and when this tiny baby
is born it is called a stillborn. These are babies who are past 20 weeks
gestation. The reason that I am explaining this is because this is not a
miscarriage. This is a fully-formed tiny baby some of whom could have survived
outside the womb and led normal, full lives. I never knew until this week that
people don't understand the difference between a miscarriage and a stillborn.
Both are devastating, but after 20 weeks you experience actual labor and then
deliver a baby that is big enough to hold in the palm of your hand.
For 20 years I have stood outside the doors with the posted
picture of the fallen leaf with a teardrop, I would always pause, say a prayer and then go in
as a nurse to comfort, console, and care for that family and that precious
stillborn baby. When the precious, tiny, and sometimes full term baby is born,
we bath them, take photos and foot prints. We then dress them and hand them to
their mom, dad and others who are present to hold their baby for the first and
last time. This is an important step in the process of this type of loss. It's
the hardest thing I ever have to do as a nurse but it's critical for everyone
involved to start the grief process.
On December 1st, 2015. I walked into the hospital as a
grandparent. I walked down the hall of the labor and delivery unit like l have
done for 20 years at similar hospitals, but this time, I was the grandparent.
As I got to the hospital room known as LD 12. I looked up and saw the so
familiar picture that I have been seeing for nearly 20 years but this was part
of me. I was not the nurse; I was not an employee doing her job. I was the
grandparent and this was my grandson. The fallen leaf cut me to the core.
Liam Caleb Meadows
The day Liam was born was the same day I walked into a funeral
home that we drive by nearly every day and chose a casket. The day after Liam
was born I went to the cemetery and saw where his final resting place would be;
among other infants and stillborn babies. I thought that the fallen leaf
had shaken me to my core until I saw on the burial papers these words: Liam
Caleb Meadows- Grave 29.
In all of this week’s tragic events God has shown up in every
place. I have known and said for many years, "God lives in the
hallway of labor and delivery units everywhere". God also
lives in funeral homes and in cemeteries. HE DOES! I know I felt him there
these past few days. I did these awful things alone thinking, I am tough and I
don't want to burden other people with this awful job of making funeral
arrangements for a baby and then for a little while I thought I made a mistake
to do this alone. I could have taken a family member, a friend, my pastor or
his wife but I know now, I was not alone; God was there. He was the face of the
kind people at the funeral home and he was the face of the Catholic priest who
cried with me. God was there. I was not alone.
I guess, for me, sharing this story is part of the grief process
but as a natural educator it's about helping people understand the difference
between a stillborn baby and a miscarried baby. Both hurt and both are
devastating for sure. I, myself have suffered the loss of an early pregnancy.
This pain is different and in its own way perhaps it's easier to see the face
of your baby and hold him with a stillborn like Liam. Miscarriages and
stillborn babies are heartbreaking for different reasons but it's important not
to compare them when talking to a new mom. The mothers of stillborn babies have
a different grief process. It's profoundly different when you have to bury your
baby. It's hurtful to the new mom to compare a miscarriage to a stillborn.
After 20 years, I never fully realized that most people don't know the
difference until this week. I certainly never thought comparing them was
hurtful.
In 2015 I became a grandparent, a Lolly, a LA LA to both
Birdie and Liam. Today, I share only part of the story of Liam. His story will
go on. Liam was loved on this earth and now he rests in the loving arms of
Jesus. Liam is not a fallen leaf but a heavenly angel.
Liam Caleb Meadows December 1 2015
